Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I hate methamphetamine

It's true. I hate methamphetamine, and not for the reasons you might think. (That it is a scourge on society and is destroying families in both America's heartland and cities) Nope, I hate meth because it ruined NyQuil. NyQuil, the greatest, most effective night time cold remedy there is. NyQuil, the drug that inspired one of the funniest stand up comedy bits of my generation. NyQuil, the ONLY F-ING THINGS THAT LETS ME SLEEP WHEN I AM SICK!!!

How did meth ruin NyQuil? Good question. NyQuil used to contain a decongestant. Apparently, the decongestant is the thing that would knock you out. Now, NyQuil has removed the decongestant in order to prevent freaking meth addicts from making meth out of the decongestant in NyQuil. If they left the decongestant in, NyQuil would have to be sold from behind the counter at the pharmacy and not out in the aisle with all the other ineffective night time cold remedies. People would have to specifically ask for it. Guess what jackasses at VICKS? I would ASK FOR IT BECAUSE IT IS THE ONLY F-ING THINGS THAT LETS ME SLEEP WHEN I AM SICK!!!

Instead of sleeping last night, what did I do? I am glad you asked. After flipping channels for about an hour finding nothing remotely entertaining to watch I settled on Bloodrayne. Bloodrayne is a vampire movie based on the video game of the same name. I have never played the video game, but I was willing to give it a shot because Michael Madsen and Sir Ben Kingsley were in it. I watched the whole thing because I couldn't sleep. It may have been one of the five worst movies I have ever seen. (Congo, Sphere, The Vanishing, and Last Man Standing being the other 4) The acting was horrifying. The combat was weakly choreographed and the plot resolution made no sense whatsoever. The only good thing about the movie was almost everyone in it died. I BLAME METH!!!! IF NOT FOR METH I WOULD HAVE BEEN SLEEPING LIKE A BABY!! A baby who snores, but a baby nonetheless.

So do me a favor, today on National Methamphetamine Awareness Day, punch a meth addict in the face and thank him for ruining NyQuil the last pure good in this world.

Yes, this is what happens when I don't sleep.

No 1 of Consequence


nobestmanofconsequence said...

Bad gorillas!

A.S.S. said...

Very Bad Things didn't make your list? 5 Bad Gorillas! I'll send you some Atarax.

No1ofConsequence said...

Very Bad Things was horrendous... It may have been worse than Bloodrayne. I may have to rethink this.

KatyScarlett12 said...

Thanks for not sleeping on the couch, I would be a very grumpy wife if you had pulled that shit in the bed!

Ess said...

Wow! Your blog came up when I googled "I hate methamphetamine addicts." My hatred is due to not being able to buy Sudafed after 9:00 p.m. (they keep it behind the counter b/c of meth addict shoplifter assholes), but I feel your pain.