The Last Day of the Month

The last day of the month is an interesting time at my office. My company is doing very well financially and while it hasn't been as much fun for me lately as it was when I started, this is a great place to work.

The last day of the month though is about one thing at any company that is driven by the sales team. Booking revenue. The sales team is a bunch of young hungry guys and they walk in the last day prepared for battle. The office smells like toasting bagels in the morning and catered whatever around noon. If you walk over to the sales bullpen you can feel the buzz. The phones are ringing or keypads are being pounded. Voices are raised as the team passionately tried to close deals. Everytime someone walks to the board to put up a sale there are high fives. It isn't a boiler room environement per se, but there is that kind of a feel. The energy is burning in the room. Cans of Red Bull are pounded as the day goes on to keep energy levels up. The rest of the month, sales styles clash and tensions run high but on the last day of the month, when team bonuses and records are in reach there is one goal. As headsets are tossed aside and beers are opened at the end of the day, the sales team has almost always crossed the finish line victorious.

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Funny Commercial

I can't endorse Kyocera products, being as I haven't used any, but this is pretty funny.

Out of the carnage... Life will find a way

This is the story of six fish. The story of six little fishies that had the fortitude, the guile and the will to live. Six fish that bucked the odds, apparently hid under something and survived the Christmas carnage. Just the other day, when the winter weather here in Georgia abated and the temperatures climbed into the 70's I heard a rousing cry from the kitchen. I walked in to see what the ruckus was about and there, in my beloved koi pond were six survivors.

I didn't believe it at first. There had been a rumor that one survived, but I did not have personal visual confirmation. Then, just the other day, the six fish that survived the apocalypse showed themselves and proved once again that life will find a way. Turns out Jeff Goldblum was right.

Credit where it is due

Our internet access at home is completely screwed right now. We have Bellsouth DSL and for whatever reason we cannot access any websites save the Bellsouth home page. This, of course, is a significant problem, because both No Wife and I are wired people. We communicate with friends and family through the internet. We get our news from the internet. I work for an internet company and when I work from home I work on the internet. We are wired and right now we are disconnected. Our issues began yesterday at some point in the early afternoon. After I got home from basketball practice I called Bellsouth customer service and a rep named Jim spent over 2 hours on the phone with me trying different fixes. He was incredibly patient and extremely knowledgable. He was also reasonable and logical. We had a disagreement about the source of our DSL nightmare, but when I took him through the sequence of events that clearly laid the fault at the feet of Bellsouth he did not get belligerent or try to obfuscate. He simply said, "I have exhausted things on my end. Let's set up an appointment for a technician to come out to you." We set a time and hopefully things will be fixed on Thursday morning. It might have been the best customer service experience of my life. So I say bravo Bellsouth. Bravo!!

UPDATE: Apparently, it was a dns error that could have been fixed over the phone. I still give credit to Bellsouth, because the guy who came in fixed it immediately, but damn 2 hours on the phone for something that should have been a 30 second fix. Ouch!!

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Bad luck in Atlanta

If you are a regular reader of this blog you know I am a HUGE fan of the Georgia Aquarium. We had season passes last year and would definitely consider them again in the future. I can't say enough about the place as detailed in my original review here. Unfortunately two of the most popular animals in the aquarium have passed on in a relatively short amount of time. Gaspar the Beluga Whale and Ralph the whale shark have both died in the last month. Gaspar had been significantly ill before he ever came to the aquarium so his death was not a huge surprise, but Ralph's death was sudden and has thrown the aquarium staff for a loop. Here are a couple of pictures I took of them last year.

Bye big guys. I'm gonna miss you.

Gaspar Ralph

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They're dead to me #1

In an homage to my man Annoyed and his "People I can do without series." I am starting a posting series of my own, called "They're dead to me." This term originated in my vernacular when Chilis took their tuna steak sandwich off the menu. This pissed me off to no end and I have only eaten there under protest since. However, since Chilis being dead to me is old news we will dedicate this initial post to another restaurant that crossed the line.

The death of a fun restaurant franchise.

Every chain restaurant is basically the same. You walk in, are seated, place a quick drink order, order appetizers, are served appetizers, order food, are served appetizers, eat appetizers, are served food, eat food, order dessert, are served dessert, eat dessert, get check, pay check, leave. This happens, obviously, in varying degrees. Aside from menu items and style of food, there is very little variation to this. In fancier restaurants this is spread out over a couple of hours. In cheaper places you can be in and out in 30 minutes or less.

One way for a restaurant to differentiate itself is with its branding or style. The Cheesecake Factory, for example, has developed a concept that drives people to order dessert. How can you go to a restaurant called The Cheesecake Factory and not order a slice of cheesecake? Higher end places are carried by their name, Jean Georges, Nobu.

Another restaurant that formerly had a significant differentiator is the Rainforest Café. The food was decent, as good as any other chain, but the atmosphere was something special. The incredible fish tanks and décor, reflecting the sights and sounds of rainforests including animatronic animals and mock thunderstorms made it a really fun place to go. It was pricy, but not ridiculous and it was worth an extra couple of bucks an entrée when you factored in the user experience.

Last week No Family of Consequence dined at the Rainforest in Orlando, and while the décor, staff, and food were what they always were. The prices had skyrocketed. An average price of over 25.00 an entrée, 2.50 for a soda and 7.99 for a kids meal tells me that the restaurant is dying and in an effort to save itself it is raising prices to try and suck as much money as possible out of its guests one last time.

It is disappointing that sometime corporate America can be so uncreative. I love tilapia, as we know from this post, but 26.99 for a tilapia dinner at Rainforest means I will never be darkening their door again. Cute frog mascot and nice fish tanks or not, they are officially dead to me. Never to be spoken of again.

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Chad Pennington / Chris Burke (Corky) separated at birth?

Bill Simmons wrote the following after watching the Christmas night Jets - Dolphins game, which, if you didn't see it, was one of the most boring NFL games on record. Two of the announcers, Tony Kornheiser & Joe Theismann spent 80% of the game bashing the Jets QB.

On an unrelated note, if there's a hell -- and I'm pretty sure there is -- part of the eternal sentence of damnation should involve an ongoing conversation between Joe Theismann and Tony Kornheiser about Chad Pennington's arm strength. Good golly. The only person who enjoyed that Christmas night broadcast was Tiki Barber's TV agent.

Here is the thing about that commentary. It was incredibly annoying. It did drain enjoyment from what was an already mediocre football game. However, it was 90% accurate. The Jets would probably be finishing the season 12-4 if they had a quarterback with a cannon for an arm. Laveranues Coles and Jerricho Cotchery have evolved into an elite receiving tandem despite Pennington, not because of him. Not to mention Pennington routinely hangs his receivers out to dry. In a four play span during Monday night's game he got two of his receivers absolutely obliterated by Dolphins defenders by throwing little floater passes instead of rocketing the ball into his receiver's arms. At one point I remarked that Pennington was going to get someone killed. About 5 seconds later the phone rang. No Wife answered it and the first words out of No Brother's mouth were, "Pennington is going to get somebody killed." She made some comment about us sharing a brain, but if you watched that game you know the New York Jets are not going to win a super bowl with Chad Pennington at the quarterback position. The main point being, he had no choice but to throw the floater passes because the words "rocket arm" and Chad Pennington are mutually exclusive.

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Does homeowner's insurance cover this???

When searching for a house in Georgia we had a lot of fexibility. We had a small bi-level in NJ and because we lived in a fairly deisrable neighborhood with good schools, when we sold the house we received a significant premium over what we paid for it.


This allowed us to get a house that would probably be worth close to 800K+ if we had purchased it in NJ and if it was in a more desirable locale than Sussex County where we resided (Mendham, Livingston, etc) it would be worth well over a million dollars. However, since we are living in Georgia we payed a good deal less than we sold our little house in NJ for.

One of the reasons I loved our house in NJ is because there was an actual river running through our backyard and I really enjoyed looking out the kitchen window and seeing the river or spending time on the deck and enjoying the view and the sound of the gently rushing water.

Here in Georgia, everything is broken down by subdivision and since we have children, living on a lake was pretty much out of the question. However, the house we decided on has a koi pond. We found this pretty appealing. The pond is located right outside the kitchen windows and when they are open you can hear the little waterfall that splashes into the pond. Also, when you look out the window you have a great view of the fish swimming around and I found myself routinely looking out at the fish. The first summer we were here there were frogs that had taken up residence in the pond as well and this was amazing.

There were two frogs and they would sleep in the waterfall, apparently enjoying the water rushing over them constantly. On very sunny days they would sun themselves on the rocks that the pond was built out of and routinely dive into the pond for a swim. I remember one day sitting at the kitchen window for over 30 minutes, just enjoying the little frogs playing in the water as the koi swam around them. They didn't return this summer and I really missed them.

Yesterday was Christmas here in Georgia and the weather was miserable. It was cold and dank and fairly depressing. No Dog of Consequence was kept inside as the weather was not conducive to his usual days of lazing around the backyard and sunning himself on our deck. I only bring up No Dog, because if he had been outside yesterday, the tragedy I am about to describe might never have happened.

No Family of Consequence was hanging around the living room as presents were opened and holiday merriment was enjoyed. However, No Baby, butt wiggling. as he crawled made a beeline for the kitchen. He was quickly scooped up by Mommy who let out a loud, "Oh my G-d!" followed by an equally loud, "Holy Crap!" I quickly got up from the couch to see what was happening and as I did I noticed a very large bird flying away. Apparently I missed the carnage.

It was a gigantic heron and it ate all of our koi. All of them. Gone. The waterfall continues to gently splash into the now empty pond and I feel like I was a bystander to a bad Discovery Channel documentary.

Mature koi cost between $30 and $100 apiece. So yesterday's birdy buffet cost me between $500 and $1500 worth of fish. My question remains, can I put in a homeowner's claim?



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John Corzine, friend of gay Americans

Today the governor of the great state of NJ signed a bill that effectively allows gays to marry. I applaud New Jersey for its progressiveness and hope the rest of the United States will get its collective head out of its ass and stop one of the last forms of legal discrimination.

Read some of my thoughts about New Jersey and Jim McGreevey's homosexuality here.

Read some of my thoughts about homosexuality in general here.

More baseball. Yes, I know it is December

I read this very sad article about Mark McGwire last week and wanted to wrtie about it, but I have been absolutely swamped at work. The article is long, but the general gist is that Mark McGwire has faded completely out of the lives of everyone he ever knew before the steroid scandal. He doesn't see his old friends from home anymore. He doesn't talk to his former teammates, agents, or coaches anymore. He lives in a gated community and plays golf and is trying to live as quiet an existence as possible.

This is only relevant because he recently became eligible for the baseball Hall of Fame. There has been great debate lately on blogs, on the radio, on ESPN etc as to whether McGwire should be elected to The Hall, whether he will be elected to The Hall and what is going on in the minds of the voters.

Most people I know don't think about this or care about this. I am not sure I particularly care either, I just hate hypocrisy when I see it. For all the talk about cheating and degrading the great game of baseball the facts seem to support that the press and MLB management knew about the steroid problem long before the ridiculous congressional hearings. They knew about it before BALCO. They knew about it before Barry Bonds passed Babe Ruth's home run total. They knew about it before McGwire was humiliated in front of the nation. The press and management knew and collectively did nothing.

Why?

The 1994 baseball strike crippled the business of baseball. It alienated the fans and tarnished the game for a LOT of people. The 1995 season saw significantly depressed attendance. merchandise sales were way down, television and radio ratings were off and ownership was in a panic. Things started to come back in 1996 and 1997. Then we reached the golden summer of 1998 when baseball recaptured America's sporting heart. Mark McGwire & Sammy Sosa's home run title chase became the only story of that summer. McGwire's fist pumps and Sosa's heart and finger kisses were on Sportscenter every night, in every magazine, on every newspaper. As McGwire got closer to 61 home runs the brought out Roger Maris' family to celebrate in pomp and circumstance of a sport reborn.

Sure, McGwire weighed about 65 pounds more than he did when he was a rookie and looked to be bursting out of his uniform. It was true Sammy Sosa looked like he had been inflated with an air pump. Yeah, Barry Bonds looked like a human bobble head doll. Who cared? Sportwriters wrote about the glorious romance of baseball's resurgence and the ownership breathed a collective sigh of relief as fans flooded back to the stadiums and people turned on ball games in record numbers.

Any baseball writer who wrote about the glory of the summer of 1998 who deson't vote for McGwire's candidacy is a hypocrite. Any baseball owner who talks about how steroids soiled the game are also hypocrites. That Mark McGwire has been humiliated to such a degree that he can't even talk about baseball with his neighbors is an absolute shame. It is a crime against baseball and baseball fans.

In the grand scheme of things is this important? Not remotely, but the article made me sad for the big guy.

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Strawberry, the voice of reason.

You have truly reached a bizarro reality when Darryl Strawberry is a voice of reason. Essentially the linked article talks about how Derek Jeter needs to embrace Alex Rodriguez and make him feel welcome after his rough year last year. You can make a valid argument that A-Rod is making 25 million dollars and he should stop his girly crying and play up to his abilities. However, I tend to believe that we are all human beings and even those seemingly above it all can be affected by significant negativity in their surroundings.

I also heard an insider story that A-Rod showed up at Jeter's house and basically begged forgiveness for the 2001 article in Esquire that caused friction between them to begin with and was turned away.

A-Rod was quoted as saying: "Jeter's been blessed with great talent around him. He's never had to lead. He can just go and play and have fun. And he hits second -- that's totally different than third and fourth in a lineup. You go into New York, you wanna stop Bernie [Williams] and [Paul] O'Neill. You never say, 'Don't let Derek beat you.' He's never your concern."

Competitors like Derek Jeter have egos the size of small planets. They aren't going to take something like that lightly. Especially when the guy doing the talking has never won jack squat in a team environment. Rodriguez has been a significant individual achiever in his career, but his teams have done nothing in the playoffs. Hang on, I feel myself meandering off point here.

My point is this, Strawberry is correct, Jeter needs to let it go. He needs to publicly step to the microphone and say something to the effect of, "Alex Rodridguez is one of the greatest individual performers in baseball history. He has shown himself to be a great team mate and contributor to the New York Yankees. His selflessness in switching to 3rd base when he arrived in NY is evidence of his commitment to the continuing greatness of the Yankees franchise and to our incredible fans. I am proud to call him my teammate and proud to run out on to that field next to him every day. What's past is past, the only future that matters is bringing the 2007 World Series championship to New York and paying back our loyal fans for their tremendous support."

Then, he needs to act like he meant it. No one will boo A-Rod again. A-Rod will hit about 75 home runs and drive in 150 and the Yankees will win the World Series, which is all that matters. Leadership by work ethic and example are all well and good. Sometimes you need to lead with your words. This is definitely one of those times.

Unintentional Comedic Moments in Parenting

This is a story of a boy and a mask. I have been a dad for a long time now and if there is one thing that is absolutely awesome about being a parent aside from the unconditional acceptance and love, it is the kids will absolutely make you cry laughing at least once a week.

My middle son, six year old bundle of energy that he is, received this Darth Vader voice changing mask for Chanukah. Now while my six year old is a gigantic bundle of energy you have to understand he is not the largest of lads. He isn't very tall and he is super skinny.

Why is that particularly relevant?

It isn't, but when the kid wears his Darth Vader mask he looks like Rick Moranis from Spaceballs. This, if you are unaware, is high comedy all by itself.

The mask is far too big for the little guy's head. He looks like he could fall over at any moment when he is wearing it. Also, I am 99% certain he can't see a damned thing while he has it on his head.

Saturday morning he was bopping all over the house, making Darth Vader's breathing noise into the microphone that contains the voice synthesizer. I hear him bound up the stairs, thump down the hall, thump back down the hall, and start back down the stairs. Curiously the trip down the stairs is going a lot more slowly than the trip up. All of a sudden there is a great crash at the bottom of the stairs and I hear molded plastic hit hardwood.

Then, moments later, from down the hall, Darth Vader's deep childlike voice booms out:

"I'm OK!"

I am still laughing about it.

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The NFL, Tivo, and me.

After absolutely taking it to Green Bay on Dec 2. The Jets reverted to their regular pathetic under achievinig form this past Sunday. However, there was one ray of sunshine about this game. It is the first time I have ever watched a sporting event that was either completely or partially recorded with Tivo. I coach youth basketball on the weekends and this week's game fell during the Jets sad performance against the bills. I set my Tivo to record the game and went about my business.

You never realize how much wasted time there is during an NFL game. The walking around, the incessant commercial breaks, the unbelievable amount of time in between plays. Tivo gets rid of all of that. I walked in the door to my house about midway through the second quarter and by halftime I caught up with the live action. It was awesome.

I have so much I want write about and NO time right now. I promise more content soon.

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J - E - T - S Jets Jets Jets?

The Jets won on Sunday, absolutely blasting the Green Bay Packers on the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field. The victory brought the Jets record on the season to a surreal 7 wins and 5 losses. ESPN's headline was The Jets improbable run continues. If you are a regular reader of this blog you know that my own prediction for the Jets success this year was that there would be none. In fact, after looking at the Jets schedule I predicted the Jets would be 4-12 at best. No Brother of Consequence had them at a pathetic 6-10 and No Dad of Consequence, who doesn't use the schedule to make his predictions picked them to go his usual 2-14.

There have been a couple of moments this season that have led me to believe that these might not be the "same old Jets." The fact that the Jets did not collapse against the Packers. Despite playing an appalling 3rd quarter which saw the Packers score 10 points and appear to regain momentum while the Jets fell over themselves, the Jets regained their footing in the 4th and really focused, putting the game away.

Against the Texans, Chad Pennington took a serious hit. It appeared that he landed on his surgically repaired shoulder in such a way that NoBro called me immediately and we were both of the opinion that he was done. He has had two surgeries on that shoulder and the blow looked really bad. To our surprise Pennington picked himself up off the turf and jogged over to the sidelines. He waved his arms in the air, pumping up the crowd which was invariably thinking the same things we were.

"At least he can raise his arm," said NoBro, who promptly hung up.

Both critical incidents that in other years would have spelled doom for the Jets season.

Another bright spot has been the fact that the Jets seem to have found a good running back combo with Cedric Houston carrying the load, Leon Washington as a change of pace back and Kevin Barlow carrying the ball in short yardage situations.

Some things to be worried about if you are a Jets fan:

- 0 pass rush. You can't win playoff games if you can't pressure the quarterback. It is a major problem that a defensive back leads the team in sacks.

- Ahman Green absolutely shredded us. If the Packers had gotten a lead and could have run the ball at all we would have been dead. Every time they gave him the ball he rushed for about 15 yards. 14 carries for 102 yards. Giving up 7.25+ yards a carry is not winning football.

- Pennington missed some wide open receivers. Justin Mchowever you spell his last name beat Charles Woodson badly and Pennington under threw the ball which allowed Woodson to catch up and make a good defensive play on it. All you heard Phil Simms talking about was that Woodson's speed has come back and he was able to close on McCairens when the video clearly showed that the ball was under thrown and McCairens had to slow way down and wait for the ball.

The good news is we don't play a team with a .500 record the rest of the season although a loss to the Dolphins on Christmas night is a mortal lock and it would be just like the Jets to blow the last game of the season against the hapless Raiders to miss the playoffs.

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I hate methamphetamine

It's true. I hate methamphetamine, and not for the reasons you might think. (That it is a scourge on society and is destroying families in both America's heartland and cities) Nope, I hate meth because it ruined NyQuil. NyQuil, the greatest, most effective night time cold remedy there is. NyQuil, the drug that inspired one of the funniest stand up comedy bits of my generation. NyQuil, the ONLY F-ING THINGS THAT LETS ME SLEEP WHEN I AM SICK!!!

How did meth ruin NyQuil? Good question. NyQuil used to contain a decongestant. Apparently, the decongestant is the thing that would knock you out. Now, NyQuil has removed the decongestant in order to prevent freaking meth addicts from making meth out of the decongestant in NyQuil. If they left the decongestant in, NyQuil would have to be sold from behind the counter at the pharmacy and not out in the aisle with all the other ineffective night time cold remedies. People would have to specifically ask for it. Guess what jackasses at VICKS? I would ASK FOR IT BECAUSE IT IS THE ONLY F-ING THINGS THAT LETS ME SLEEP WHEN I AM SICK!!!

Instead of sleeping last night, what did I do? I am glad you asked. After flipping channels for about an hour finding nothing remotely entertaining to watch I settled on Bloodrayne. Bloodrayne is a vampire movie based on the video game of the same name. I have never played the video game, but I was willing to give it a shot because Michael Madsen and Sir Ben Kingsley were in it. I watched the whole thing because I couldn't sleep. It may have been one of the five worst movies I have ever seen. (Congo, Sphere, The Vanishing, and Last Man Standing being the other 4) The acting was horrifying. The combat was weakly choreographed and the plot resolution made no sense whatsoever. The only good thing about the movie was almost everyone in it died. I BLAME METH!!!! IF NOT FOR METH I WOULD HAVE BEEN SLEEPING LIKE A BABY!! A baby who snores, but a baby nonetheless.

So do me a favor, today on National Methamphetamine Awareness Day, punch a meth addict in the face and thank him for ruining NyQuil the last pure good in this world.

Yes, this is what happens when I don't sleep.

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An issue I care about

This is a picture of Myanmarian children who were rescued from a child slavery ring in Asian. The kind of life these children were headed for is unknown to me. They could have been bound for a life of slave labor or unspeakable sexual exploitation. Either way, the innocence that they were graced with at birth was stripped from them.

These kind of surrealistics horrors take place every day in every country, including this one. This article is about a murdering scumbag who ignored the cries of the 19 people stuffed in his trailer as they suffocated and died while trying to reach the U.S.

This is a link to the yearly Trafficking in Persons Report that our government is legally bound to prepare every year since the Victims of Trafficking and Violence Protection Act of 2000 was passed. It is long, it is terrible, and for some reason I feel compelled to read it every year. I am not saying you should read it, I just wanted you to know that we live in a world where Human Trafficking is so prevalent that our government, and many others are statutorily obligated to track it.

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Woo hoo Showtime rules!!

Showtime has given me my first blog notoriety. They linked to my website because of my post about Dexter. So because they gave me some respect I will once again talk about how unique and entertaining Dexter is. I recommend everyone give it a try. Episodes one and two of Dexter can be streamed for free from the Showtime website.

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The week to come

I am taking off from work starting tomorrow through the Thanksgiving holiday. I plan on writing, networking, and hopefully, sleeping. Check back, because I plan to change the blog a bit, as well as add some interesting content... you know, more than flash games about beating defenseless animals.

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Knucklehead Time Wasting Fun

I am a pretty hard working guy, but links like this one can cause me to lose hours of productive time at the office. You click your mouse and the little penguin jumps off the tree stump, as he gets close to the sasquatch you click the mouse again and the sasquatch hits the penguin with his club.

The penguin flies through the air and lands in the snow and the website gives you a distance of your hit. I have 488.1 feet on the fly and 533.4 feet on a skidder. Fun for the whole family. How far were your hits?

For you PETA folks no actual penguins or sasquatches are harmed during this game.

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I just had to share this one

I don't have a huge amount of time because I am about to finish up the training I came to Switzerland for, but I saw this story on Drudge and I had to share it.

I don't even know what to say about it. You have to read it to believe it. Apparently the pair to the left may need to be called back into service, except in real life and in the UK. Those wacky Brits.

_______________________________________

One other thing that I can seriously do without about Europe. Everyone smokes. I mean... everyone. Luckily the guy who is acting as my host does not, but a lot of people in the office do and it is still legal to light up in restaurants so when we go out together I end up smelling like crap afterwards.

Overall, everyone I have come in contact with in Switzerland is incredibly gracious and very pleasant and I have learned a ton on my trip. I am taking French lessons in the U.S. and I really need to ratchet up my studies. I have felt very much like the stereotypical American and I have really tried, in my life, to not be like that when I travel overseas.

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