Thursday, June 29, 2006

One blade, two blades, a red blade a blue blade

And now, something completely pointless

I hate shaving. I really hate it. It is one of the truly sucky things about being a guy. I don't want to hear a bunch of whining about how women have to go through incredible bouts of torture with tweezers and wax and the like to look pretty for us evil men, I concede the point. I am just saying, shaving sucks.

For years I suffered the indignity of dragging a blade across my face or suffering massive razor burn from a variety of different electric shaving products. At one point, my face would routinely be so irritated from shaving I would run ice over it to reduce the pain and swelling.

Also, the tools for shaving they had out there were terrible. I am very fair skinned, so I don't have to shave incredibly often, but when I do, I want the blade to work. I found the dual blade razors that were all the rage when I began shaving sucked, because the hair from my beard would get caught between the blades and if you didn't have a power washer in your bathroom it very difficult to clear the blades for the next pass of the razor. This annoyed me beyond belief. Then Gillette came out with the Mach3. I was still sore as anything when I was done shaving, but at least the blades were spaced out nicely so I could rinse the razor in between passes without having to get the damned garden hose.

Of course, after the Mach3 they came out with a 4 blade razor and then a 5 and now they even have a six with 5 on the front and one on the back for "trimming." These inferior products to the Mach3 have the same problem as the 2 blade razor, the blades are too close together and rinsing them take water pressure similar to that generated by the Grand Coulee Dam.

I have found a solution to the whole irritated face situation as well. I shave in the shower. All the steam and hot water opens up the pores on my face VERY nicely and when I am done shaving my face is soft and smooth.

What grooming rituals do you hate?

No 1 of Consequence


Grace said...

Let's hear it for the Brazilian!
Personally I hate blow-drying my hair. If I don't it's frizzy, and it's so thick I have to twist it up into sections to dry it properly. Then the brush gets caught, I end up screaming, and my wall feels the wrath of my hair brush!

Anonymous said...

I often have the same problem when shaving my ass. I hate ass irritation!


Butch said...

How about a straight edged razor?

Advantages: Looks cool; easy to clean; get to have a leather strap.

Disadvantages: Easy to cut through an artery.

Grace said...

I'm sure there are worse places to be irritated.

Grace said...

I'm sorry, just one more comment, I promise. This was too good to pass up.